Apr. 28th, 2017

yumyumpm: Napoleon and Illya (Man from UNCLE)

Anything for Illya


Formerly titled: The My Way or No Way Affair

By YumYumPM


It had been a grueling assignment not for him personally, but for his partner, Illya.  They had pumped so many truth drugs into him he didn’t know which way was up.  But he hadn’t told them what they wanted to know, of that Napoleon was certain.  He’d been there at the end and heard everything said. Even the part about Illya wanting him.  Exactly what that meant he wasn’t sure but he planned to find out. 


The THRUSH interrogator had been standing over him.  Then he had squatted down to Illya’s level and placed his hands on Illya’s thighs.  “Who is it you want so badly?”  His eyes glazed and licking his lips, Illya struggled not to say anything, but finally blurted out, “Napoleon.”


With a gleam in his eye the THRUSH agent had risen and whispered to his self, “Solo.”  He started to laugh a totally demented laugh, but he stopped laughing when he heard someone clear their throat.  Turning his eyes wide in astonishment, he barely felt the bullet as it entered his chest.


“Napoleon?”  Illya tried to focus his face going from surprise to delight to trepidation.


“Come on, Tovarish,” Napoleon said as he cut the straps holding his partner in place.  “Let’s get you out of here.”


They quickly left the building and were hiding in some trees on their way to Napoleon’s car.  Illya was still woozy and Napoleon had to hold him up.  “What was that all about, Tovarish?”


“Can’t tell…secret.  Napoleon,…why is it you call me Tovarish.  That should be…droog. or better yet…”  and promptly fell to the ground and was sick.


Droog, Tovarish, what’s the difference?  Droog sounds so harsh while Tovarish just sort of trips on the tongue.”  Napoleon reached over and pulled his friend up into a fireman’s hold and carted him to the car.


Back at headquarters what with one thing and another, the two men didn’t see each other for days.  When Napoleon finally caught sight of Illya going down the hall he rushed to catch up with him.  “No thanks are necessary you know?”


“Thanks for what?”


“For pulling you out of that predicament, you ungrateful Russian.”


“Oh, that.”


“By the way, what exactly did you mean about wanting me?”


Illya stopped in the middle of the hallway and went white. “What exactly are you talking about?”


“Well when I rescued you, you were telling them that you wanted me and they seem pleased.  Did you mean you wanted me to rescue you or…” looking at Illya as if a sudden idea had occurred to him.  “Illya, are you gay?”


Swiftly looking around to make sure they were alone and turning very red.  “Why don’t you just shout it out then everyone will know.”


Napoleon stood still with shock as his partner started to walk back the way they had come.   He caught up with him again and grabbed his arm to stop him.  “Come on, Illya.  I’m sorry but it just wasn’t something I was aware of.”  Looking into those blue and, at the moment, angry eyes.  “So you really want me, huh?”


Illya looked at him with suspicion. “It does not bother you?”


“I don’t know yet.  There are possibilities; I’ve never been with a man.”  He noticed Illya starting to back away and shake his head no.  “Look at it this way we could work on mutual enjoyment and you wouldn’t have to worry so much about my…”


Illya thought about it.  “Maybe” 


Gleefully Napoleon ordered, “Okay, meet me at my apartment at eight o’clock.”


“Why your apartment?”


“I want to enjoy this.  And I don’t think that would be possible at yours.”


“Is that an order?”


“No, merely a suggestion.”



As he exited the shower, he went to the sink to shave.  When he was finished he reached for the after-shave lotion, but decided that Illya would probably prefer him without it.  He stared at himself in the mirror and couldn’t believe he was actually going through with this.  He wouldn’t do this for anyone, anyone except Illya of course. 


Going into the bedroom he went through his closet deciding on what to wear.  Maybe he would just dress as he would for an encounter with Angelique or Serena, he thought with a smile.   After all there wasn’t that much difference, just a matter of different plumbing.  With that he pulled out and put on the red satin boxers Rachel had given him, the white silk pajama bottoms Monica had given him, and the royal blue silk dressing gown from Cheryl.  He added an ascot to the ensemble since he had been told it made him look dashing.  As he debated on wearing slippers he decided barefoot would be good enough.  Checking himself out in a mirror, he wondered what Illya would think if he answered the door buck-naked, which caused him to grin at his reflection 


Entering the living room he made sure the liquor was ready and the vodka chilled to Illya’s liking.  Next he went to the stereo and looked through the records that always worked with his female paramours.  There was that Russian piece with the cannons at the end-no better not, at least not on a first date. Where was that coming from, this was not a date, this was not a date.  Maybe if he thought it enough times he’d actually believe it.   After all these things had worked with females, why shouldn’t they work with males?  He was dimming the lights and lighting candles when the doorbell rang.  On his way to the door it he turned on the stereo.


Answering the door Illya came in looking as if he was on his way to a funeral. His eyebrows went up as he saw the way Napoleon had dressed for this encounter.  Seeing the dim lights and hearing the music.  “Really, Napoleon?”


Napoleon had turned to the bar and was preparing drinks. “What?”


“I am a man after all.”


“So I’ve noticed.” Handing Illya his drink Napoleon sat down on the sofa to sip his and patted the seat next to him suggesting that Illya sit down with him.  Since he had never done anything like this before he decided to try the techniques he that always worked with his female conquest and placing an arm around his partner and his hand behind Illya’s neck pulled him in for a gentle kiss.


Illya promptly pulled away.  “I am not one of your paramours.”


“I’m sorry but this is the only way I know about doing this, and I figured that since I’m the one you, ah, desire we could do this my way.”  Noticing the disgusted look on Illya’s face and hoping to appease him, he pointed to a tray of finger sandwiches on the bar.  “There is a little something for you to nibble on in the meantime.”


That was not what Illya wanted to nibble on, gulping down his drink in one swallow he decided to take the bull by the horn.  He pulled off the ascot around Napoleon’s neck; he slung it over his shoulder and followed this by opening the dressing gown. “You have too much on,” Illya insisted, he noticed that Napoleon was not wearing a pajama top, just the bottom.  Pushing Napoleon back to a reclining position, he swiftly pulled them down along with the red boxers.  Odd color scheme he thought.  What he saw once he had Napoleon disrobed actually made his mouth water.  Napoleon was a big boy.


Napoleon was a little nervous as his partner suddenly took his cock in his mouth and began sucking away.  This had never been done to him before by a male partner and he couldn’t believe that Illya was doing this to him now, but boy, oh boy, oh boy, it felt so good, that he couldn’t help but moan with pleasure.  Much too soon he exploded in his partners mouth, and lay unmoving as Illya swallowed every drop.  He looked up into the amused eyes of his partner and “Wow!” was all he could say.


“We aim to please,” Illya said as he got up to leave.


Napoleon sat up straight on the sofa. “Whoa, where do you think you’re going?”


“We have had our enjoyment and I am now going home.”


“Home? Oh, no you’re not.  This is supposed to be mutual enjoyment and I haven’t seen the mutual yet.”  He couldn’t believe he was saying this as he took Illya by the arm.  “By the way you have too much on also.” Getting up with his pajama bottoms around his ankles he proceeded to take off Illya’s jacket and toss it on a chair.  He couldn’t help but notice the gun and shoulder holster his partner was wearing. “I see you came prepared.”


Illya looked down. “Well, you never know when it might come in handy.”


Napoleon removed the gun and set it on the side table and took off the holster tossed it after the jacket.  He began by pulling off Illya’s tie and then went on to unbutton his shirt thinking that it wasn’t that much different from undressing a woman.  He couldn’t help but notice Illya was wearing a tee shirt and decided to leave it on. Strange how just doing this was turning him on.  He unbuttoned Illya’s trousers and noticed that he wasn’t wearing any underwear at all.  His breath caught and he found himself pushing Illya back down on a nearby chair.  Pulling up his legs and grabbed the ends if the trousers he pulled them off tossing them to join the other clothing.  He stood there taking in the sight of his partner slumped in the chair his erection hard and his legs splayed, dressed only in his tee shirt and socks.  His breath was taken away; he had never realized just how erotic Illya looked. Going down between those legs he pulled Illya to him for a soul-searching kiss.  Thinking this might be a time to try Solo Technique number three, he put his hands under Illya’s ass cheeks to pull him up to carry him… when he fell over and Illya came to rest on his chest.


 “Did you know you were heavy,” Napoleon gasped looking into Illya’s amused face.  “Since evidently my way isn’t working, why don’t we try yours.”


Illya just sat there with his cock pointing in Napoleon’s direction and grinned.  He could feel Napoleon’s erection nudging at his backside and came to a decision.  “What do you use to wet yourself for your female paramours?” he asked breathing hard.


Gasping for breath Napoleon responded, “I use a lubricated condom.” 




“Wallet.” Was all he could say as he pointed towards the bedroom.


Illya got up with difficulty and went to the bedroom.  He located Napoleon’s wallet on the dresser and removed one of the condoms.  On his way back he stopped at the bar for another drink swallowing it in one gulp.  Settling himself on Napoleon’s legs he opened the condom and with shaking hands put it on Napoleon’s large dick. 


“Illya, I’m not so sure…” Napoleon was unable to finish.


“What?” asked Illya as he impaled himself on the throbbing cock.


“Nothing?” he gasped, this was not too unlike having a woman, except Illya was so much tighter and looked so very sexy sitting on him in nothing but his tee shirt. As Illya started to ride him, Napoleon couldn’t help but stare at the cock directly in front of him and lick his lips.  Illya had sucked him so how hard could it be, but how to reach it.  In between breathing hard and trying to concentrate he requested, “Illya could you throw the pillows off the chair to me?” 


Illya slowed down, his eyes glazed, and he just managed to reach over for the cushions and toss them to Napoleon who promptly put them behind his head bringing him up enough that as Illya started riding him again his cock entered Napoleon’s mouth.  Ecstasy took over as Illya was both taken back and fore, Napoleon’s groin rising to meet each downward thrust.  Too soon it was over for both of them.  Both men climaxed at the same time and though Napoleon tried to swallow all that Illya had to offer he wasn’t able to, so some splattered on his chest.  They lay there for some time, and as Illya rolled off Napoleon suggested a shower.  Illya carefully got up and helped Napoleon up, started for the bathroom.  Napoleon following removed the condom and threw it away as Illya started the shower. 


Entering the shower, Napoleon quickly washed himself down than turned to lather up Illya.  “I can do this myself” was the indignant response he got.  But he was insistent and as he gently soaped up and started with the front going down to the genitalia, causing Illya to moan in gratification.  When he went to the back and into the crack in the Illya’s cheeks he was gratified when Illya let out a gasp of pleasure.   Working his way down the legs he got Illya to lift his feet so he could lather them and received a, “that tickles.” 


Hummm, time for Solo Technique number five, looking over at his shaving kit he removed his new shaving gel and applying some to his finger came up behind Illya and gently worked it up his ass.  Reaching around he started rubbing Illya nipples.  Even though there was no comparison with a female breast, what worked on a female evidently worked very well on a male.  As Illya moaned and groan while he worked more fingers into the anal opening gently going in and out.


“What are you using?” came the breathless voice.


“Some new gel shaving crème I got the other day.”  Napoleon was a bit breathless himself even more excited than if Illya had been a woman.


“You’re using shaving crème on me?”  Suddenly with a growl, Illya removed himself from the shower toweled himself off.  Taking the gel crème with him, he grabbed Napoleon and pulled him into the bedroom throwing him on the bed.  Taking the crème and pushing Napoleon’s legs to his chest he thrust his finger into the opening.  Napoleon squirmed. “Illya?” not sure he was ready for this.


“What?”  Illya looked evilly into his face as he positioned himself.


“Couldn’t we talk about this?” he gasped.


“Time for talking is over, you tease.”  Illya swiftly entered the man under him


Ahh, Napoleon was so tight and so delicious that he knew he wouldn’t last long.  Napoleon on the other hand was wondering if this was what it felt like for a woman when he entered them.  Watching Illya’s face and seeing how turned on he was, was exciting in itself, he lay back and relaxed, letting himself go.  Soon he was thrusting up to meet Illya as he went in and out of the ever so tight sheath.  He had never felt anything so erotic before, not even with Serena or Angelique.  Soon he felt a hot gushing of liquid in his anus and both men went limp.  After some time Illya gently pulled out and Napoleon’s legs fell over the side of the bed.  Illya went into the bath to get a cloth to wipe up Napoleon and the mess he had made on the comforter.


This comforter is ruined thought Napoleon, oh well,  I can always buy a new one.  Than maybe not, this would be a reminder of a wonderful eventful and painful night.  He knew he would be sore for days.  Illya got up to leave and Napoleon tried to stop him, but his legs gave way and he fell to the floor.  However he managed to grab Illya before he got too far and pull him down. “No way, this is no Wham, Bam, thank you M’am.”


“What?” Illya looked at him puzzled


“I mean this is not going to be love ‘em and leave ‘em.  Here, help me pull this comforter off.”  As the comforter was removed he grabbed Illya and pulled him onto the bed covering him with his body.  “Stay.”


“Napoleon, fun time is over, you are much too sore for anything else.”


“Oh yes, I’ll probably be sore for some time to come.  But I want you to stay and when the soreness is gone I want to us to try this frontwards, backwards, sideways, and every way there is.”  Looking into the astonished blue eyes of his now lover.  He pulled him into a firm embrace, and covering them up, they both fell asleep.


The end.


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